The Little Relationship

There is one relationship that resembles a romantic relationship so closely that it is actually scary. In this relationship you often love the other person more than you thought possible, would do anything to keep them from ever experiencing pain (induced by heartbreak), and is the only person you want to tell every detail of your day to. This is usually the first person you talk to in the morning and the last name you see on your phone before you go to sleep. You also have framed pictures and various memorabilia hanging on your walls. This person is your Little. Greek life does this amazing thing where it blesses you with the ability to find a person that you think you could fall into eternal love with and then make them yours.

            This person becomes like a combination between a significant other, child, and best friend. Your Little will be the person you want to share your life with. She or he will be by your side for the highest of highs and lowest of lows. And because you are the Big, the Little is required to be judgment free at all times while you engage in reckless behavior. Your little must love you and care for you no matter what.

While this Little person will care for you, you will develop this innate sense of responsibility when it comes to them. You feel the need to make sure that your Little is ok at all times because she is your responsibility. You feel a sense of being kindred spirits with your Little’s biological parents because somehow you are now also accountable for making sure she or he is raised correctly. As a Big you must serve as the best role model you can be and encourage your Little to out fearlessly into the world and conquer it. You chose your Little because you saw her potential and want to see her become the amazing woman she is destined to be. You will love this person unconditionally and be there no matter what happens. This love is a forever kind of thing. 

If you are as fortunate as I have been, you will be blessed with a lineage of royalty and perfection. The little people below you will be your babies. You will care for them and hope to guide them through their college experience with the wealth of knowledge you have after making your college experience a period of trial and error. You can pass down your legacy and be confident in the type of women you know will one day be other there in the real world with you! The love you feel for your Little will be different than any other love because she is more than your friend, she is your sister that you had the opportunity to connect with later in life when you were capable of appreciating them. 

The Other Woman

So sometimes as collegiates we think that the relationships we are in are for now not always. Moral compasses do not always point north and sometimes lines are blurred, sometime due to alcohol. When things like this happen there is the potential to become the other man or the other woman. This is a dangerous relationship that I would highly suggest, with all my "professional experience", to stay away from. This relationship will not only complicate your life but two other people’s as well. The perpetrator, or cheating party, is hard to spot in crowd. If you are out in a social situation they might be just another social butterfly looking to expand their ever-growing social circle. They might be the quiet challenge in the corner that you can’t keep your eye off of. They also might be the person to come straight up to you and initiate flirtation and this strange little relationship. They also might be openly in relationship and yet again as competitive member of the dating world you think, “challenge accepted” and get ready to fight for him like it’s the hunger games. However in this situation the odds are probably not in your favor.

            While this may seem like an easy way out of emotional contact and a means of keeping things purely physical and fun, life is never that simple. Emotions do get involved, maybe not yours but emotions nonetheless. Also being the other woman means knowing and accepting that you are not the main romantic interest of your partner. While they do find you fun and exciting there is a reason you are the OTHER woman (or man) instead of being just THE woman. These same reasons will prevent you from being together in the future. This relationship will never work out because it was built on secrecy and if he (or she) has the ability to do this to someone with you, they have the potential to do it to you with someone else. You don’t want to have to worry about where exactly it was they said they were going or who that random number was that popped up on their phone.

            The cheater is someone who is bored and easily distracted so get your priorities straight and find a better partner. Being with someone that puts you in the position of being “the other” is not worth it. Pick yourself up and get yourself out if you are engaging in this relationship. Everyone has the potential to find the person that will make them a priority and not just a sidepiece. Being the other woman is not an acceptable way to stay away from heartbreak and in fact when this one ends in you getting burned, it will hurt just as much if not more because the person you have feelings for loves someone else more than you. So do yourself a favor and check out their Facebook page or ask around before getting in too deep, it will only save you time and piece of your heart. 

The Stage 5 Clinger

The stage 5 clinger is a man that is relatively rare to come by in the college world of dating where you are surrounded by a sea of temporary relationships, what-if’s, players, jerks, and the occasional rational normal man. The clingy man is one that is hard to shake once he is hooked. Most of the time you do not even realize that you are making this poor dope fall hopelessly in love with you, and you keep your emotions at bay in order to avoid your own heartache. The clingy man looks like the ordinary collegiate at a distance. He has friends, is social, and can be hiding everywhere. Things start just like a normal relationship and then suddenly things take a turn for the dramatic and crazy.

            What does this clingy relationship entail you might ask? Well it is constant contact; its snap-chats, and texts, and Facebook messages, and phone calls, and even in the most severe cases the accidental (on purpose because of the location service on most recent mupload) run in. There might even be the occasional drive by. The clingy partner wants to know where you, what you are doing, and who you are with. They need consistent attention and will not stop until they get it. They will check to see if texts and messages have been read and even have the ability to know the exact moment you saw and ignored said message, they will then later use that information against you. They will also compulsively check your social media to see who are interacting with.

            Aside from the scary cyber stalking that has been made extraordinarily easy through modern technology, the clinger will say things that are serious and emotional. This person is not afraid to get deep. They will spill their soul and not have a second thought. This person will tell you how it is and they will do anything and everything to make you feel their passion. The clingy companion just wants to be with you and know that you only want to be with them however it extends beyond that and is often driven by insecurity. This man is not afraid to cling in public either. He is not bothered by your social ways and will put up with your antics. He will stand by you every single night out. At the bar he makes sure you don't wander too far because who knows what danger awaits once you are out of earshot. The clinger makes sure to be within eyesight so they can ensure you are doing A-ok. 

            This relationship can be hard to navigate because as a college woman I can tell you, and I’m sure you all know, it is hard to find someone who is real and genuinely passionate about you. This person is so appealing because there is minimal struggle and game playing on their part, their cards are on the table and all the moves are up to you. The main issue that comes into play is knowing when to hold them and when to fold them with the clingy man. It is hard to end however if you do not feel as serious, or don’t see yourself ever getting to that level, it is important to be fair to the person and not continue the relationship. While attention, affection, and being the apple of someone’s eye is a fabulous feeling; the clingy relationship can take a left turn to crazy town real quick! Proceed with caution collegiates!

The Web of Hook-Ups

How do you know if you're making the right or wrong decision in terms of your next quest for that perfect person? Consult this chart!

The Unavailable Man

Lets face it ladies, when it comes to actually getting into a relationship sometimes the chase can be better then the end result. We all at some point or another have totally fallen head over heels for the unavailable man. He can be unavailable emotionally or physically but either way there is some type of a roadblock there. Now with women today being more competitive and trying to prove a point most see the unavailable man and think, “challenge accepted”. This thought is completely detrimental to your well-being ladies! Believe me thinking game on when it comes to getting a man will cause more heartache than anticipated.

            Going after the unavailable man will literally drive you to madness. While he does seem perfect and worth any risk once this unattainable thing is conquered, the truth comes out and what seemed like a charming little quirk quickly becomes a non-negotiable flaw. The unavailable man can be met anywhere at anytime. It can be in class, at a bar, or even in line at the caf. There is a certain quality this man has that draws you in and then suddenly he shows a tough side and has some extreme barriers. As women we want to break them down, make him vulnerable, and most importantly make him ours. In this quest for the unavailable man we are willing to push aside girl code and traditional games for a no rules all out war, including tactical battle plan. Nothing is off limits and sometimes drastic measures are taken in an attempt to make this man available to you.

            Let me tell you something, the unavailable man usually has some pretty strong reasons for his current state. By digging up the past you might discover some stuff that you were not expecting. Men usually are not open with their emotional baggage or quick to tell you the brutal truth about emotional scars; in fact they might even deny their existence. Other times his emotional unavailability is purely due to the fact that he is an ass who is incapable of a functional honest relationship at this time. Do not beat yourself up thinking “if I had been different” or “I should have been able to be the exception, not the rule”. The latter was created by the unavailable man so women would take some of the blame for the relationship not working out.

            As a collegiate woman nearing the end of my 4 years, I have to tell you that the appeal of the unavailable man has decreased. In my earlier days I would have spent months (I hate to admit it but in some cases years!) chasing down the unavailable man hoping that I could change him. Now at the age of 22 I have discovered having an available and emotionally mature man is way more appealing. In order to have a functional healthy relationship both parties need to be equally invested and make the work and reward worth it for their partner! But, if you are seeking only fun, game, and potential heartbreak the unavailable man might be the exact pastime you seek.

The love you cannot go without thinking about

The next relationship I am going to discuss is a special one. It involves something most collegiate women (and men) cannot live without. It something we obsess over, cannot go 5 minutes without thinking about, and feel utterly lost and alone in the world without. The relationship with your smart phone is one that is developing in a big way in college. This development might be due to social and societal changes and the advancement of technology. But for the college woman this relationship is one of the most developed and focused on during her 4 years in college. Often time the phone becomes an extension of your body.

            Each phone is unique to its owner. The super secret password, the background, and even the phone case are all things that describe the owner. This relationship is highly personal and unique to each individual. The accessories that come along with a smart phone really can tell you all you need to know about the owner. For example the hipster will have an ironic case, word password (opposed to number), and a picture of scenery as their background. The fraternity gentleman will have a sleek and subtle case, patriotic background, and Greek letter password. The sorority girl will have a pink or glitter case, picture of her sisters or the beach as a background, and a numerical passcode.

            You can dive deeper into a person by looking at their apps. You can tell a lot about a person from the various activities that engage in on their phone. For example some people will have every form of social media, multiple email accounts, and notifications on each and every app. Other people will simply have tinder. The things that a person engages in on their phone are very telling about who they are. Be cautious however when looking at someone else’s phone however because this relationship each person has is intimate and you need to tread lightly around it.

            The relationship with your smart phone can often times be significantly better than any other relationship for a wide variety of reasons. For starts, you can hit your phone and not need to apologize or worry about being hit back. When someone you are dating says or does something you don’t like you are not by any means allowed to hit them, however when your phone does or shows you something you are unhappy with all is fair in love and war. Just last week in a fit of feminine rage I smashed my phone into the ground while causing a dramatic scene and while my friends judged me, my phone did not. Another benefit to having your most functional relationship be with a piece of technology is the ability to erase something, if it is not there in the morning it never happened. I think the best thing a smart phone relationship has to offer is the ability to put it on silent when it is annoying, no explanation necessary.

            The smart phone will do things for you a man never could. It will always be there for you, and just you. It will be in your bed every night, it will remember things you can’t remember on your own, it will wake you up with whatever sounds you’d like, and it will listen every time you talk. While this relationship is fantastic be very careful it is not the only one you leave college with!

Long Distance Relationships

            

I have recently had a very unique experience with long distance relationship and have since fancied myself a bit of an expert at it. As a young female at Quinnipiac University I sort of figured that there was a decent chance my one true love was nowhere to be found on campus. While my search consistently was chalked up a failure, one day I found a new an exciting man on my doorstep. Long distance relationships can either be a beautiful thing or an absolute hell. For some having limited face time and the opportunity to lead separate and independent lives is the ideal situation. For others phone and Skype dates on a regular basis just don’t cut it. Distance can be hard because sometimes you just need the person to be there with you but making the time to travel the distance is seemingly impossible. The long distance boyfriend can come from a variety of places. He can be a high school flame, a friend of a friend, a chance meeting that turned into something epic, or sometimes a summer fling can turn into the real thing. It does not matter where he comes from; the defining factor is that he is not with you on a daily basis.

Firstly I want to highlight some major disadvantages to this relationship. It takes a lot more work to make it work. Both parties need to be ready and willing to go the extra mile because seeing one another requires a lot more than a walk across campus. This is a relationship for the strong and independent collegiate. Fights often occur out of frustration or inability to communicate. Nights can get lonely, phone calls can seem insufficient, and flirtation at the bar can be confused for something more. It also takes an extreme amount of trust to be away from the one you love consistently. The woman engaging in a long distance relationship has to be strong and confident. This woman values her freedom and is secure enough to not worry about what is going on while he is away.

Now this freedom offered by the long distance love allows for many possibilities to the collegiate woman that having an on campus honey does not. There is a surplus amount of me time, of girls nights out, uninterrupted all night cram sessions, shameless (harmless) bar flirting, and the all important option of sleeping directly in the middle of the bed with unlimited sprawling capabilities. Having a chance to spend time with friends and focus on your individual college experience is something that should be highly valued in a relationship. I think that it is important for more women to put less emphasis on their relationship and focus more on their life.  This ability to live separate lives can even bring you closer with your significant other because you have more to discuss while on the phone or when a long awaited visit actually occurs. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” has definite potential here.

Having learned from experience the long distance relationship is trying. In my case there was extra distance added and with limited communication the relationship went through some major changes. One of the biggest challenges with the long distance man is that you, and he, are constantly changing, growing, and experiencing without the other. Without consistent and worthwhile communication this relationship will not work. While independence is something to be valued highly it can also be a lonely life. Individual characteristics play in a big role when engaging in a long distance relationship. Being able to be confident enough in yourself and your relationship should be a highly valued attribute. The long distance boyfriend can be an amazing learning and growing experience. This man and this love can teach a person a lot about the value of having a partnership and developing yourself in ways that no other relationship can!